Chic Autonomy: The Art of Being Yourself

Tap, swipe, compare; until we forget who we are.

We live in a world that is constantly throwing trends, products, and personalities in our faces. We’re all so easily influenced that we’ve lost our individuality. Social media, once a platform to inspire and has quickly evolved into a space of mimicry where authenticity feels like a sin.

There’s a beauty in being your own individual person. If we were all the same the world would be such a boring place.

I often find myself thinking, I wish they would just think like me but I really try to stop myself and remember that if we all thought and moved alike, we would be SO bored. Originality is what makes us interesting. Every single person you meet has a different story and because of that, you can learn something new from them and that is a beautiful thing. Our individual lives shape us into the people we are and that uniqueness allows us to gift others insight into worlds they may never walk through themselves.

Learning Who You Are and How To Be Yourself

I have borderline personality disorder, so because of that, for a long time I had no idea who I was. My teenage years were a collection of borrowed personalities from friends, partners, even tv show characters. After moving to Melbourne, living alone, and no longer having anyone to copy my personality from, I’ve finally figured out who it is that I am.

There’s a confidence that comes from self-knowledge. How can you be confident in yourself if you don’t know who you are? Competence breeds confidence, knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom - Aristotle.

Do you know who you are? You should be able to answer questions yourself. What’s your favourite colour? Who are your biggest inspirations? What is your favourite characteristic about yourself? What is your aesthetic identity? Who are you without influence?

1. Who are you without influence?

What are your answers to these questions - your real and raw answers.

Without influence, who are you?

• My favourite colour is… (don’t just say “blue”. What kind of blue? Baby blue especially when it’s paired with gold? Or a bright pink, like the colour you would see in a sunset?)

• My interior design style is… (Modern? But what about it brings you joy? Is it the simple, minimalistic look that makes it feel clean and cohesive or the innovation of new designs and the insight into the future?)

• I feel most like myself when… (you’re dancing? You’ve just finished writing a journal entry? You’re hanging out with a certain person? Why? What about it makes you feel most like yourself? Is it because you grew up doing ballet so it feels like a connection to your childhood self? Delve deep into the emotions)

• My fashion aesthetic can be described as… (what is it and why?)

• The type of love I crave feels like… (Is it the love you witnessed as a child or do you crave the opposite kind of love your parents showed you? What does your dream relationship look like?)

• If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d choose… (and why would you choose it? What influenced you to want a life there?)

• My three core values are…

• The quote that feels written for me is...

• My dream life looks like… (Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “i’m possible”, thank you to miss Audrey Hepburn for that little line. What does your true dream life look like?)

• People describe me as… (could be one word, could be a paragraph. How would people describe you? Be honest with yourself, and if anything, take it as constructive feedback and use it as motivation to become the person you want people to describe you as)

Why has self love become controversial? Self confidence is looked at as self-obsession and narcissism but how can you expect anyone to love you if you don’t first love yourself. There’s elegance in knowing what you love within and being able to recognise it I believe allows you to be your best self and live letting your favourite qualities influence your decisions.

2. What are your favourite qualities about yourself?

My ability to always see the best in everyone and every situation is one of my favourite things about myself. Even when it feels impossible I always have a positive outlook on every situation, I’m an optimist and always hopeful. I get called delusional, but I’d rather be “delusional” and happy, than realistic and depressed. A glass half full mentality will forever be my mindset.

I don’t let my trauma or hardship make me bitter; instead I force it to make me a more compassionate, and empathetic person. I understand the weight of pain. Mental health is never an excuse but it can be an explanation.

I choose my words carefully and mean everything I say. If I give you a compliment, I mean it. I believe this gives my words more power and meaning.

I’m driven, motivated, and determined. If I want something, I will get it and not in an “I deserve everything, give it to me on a silver platter” type way. I have worked hard for everything I have. I financially support myself, I built my business from scratch with no influence or mentor. I provide for myself the life I want and I always will.

3. Signature you?

What are the things that are your ‘signature’ things? What would people see that would make them instantly think of you?

I recently made a new friend and I was telling him how I love to walk past the cows and ducks on my morning walks and I always stop to say hello to them. The next time he went on a walk he sent me a photo of a duck and told me he said hello to it - how sweet! But, that’s a perfect example of a ‘signature you’ thing.

What are the physical things you believe shape and show your identity?

I would consider a little black dress (my going out uniform), black slingback heels, Paris, old Hollywood music and films, Chanel and Chanel beauty (fragrances in particular), dark red nails, blue undertone red lipstick, and bag charms my signature things.

Having signature things helps to build a stronger personal brand and increases memorability. It can help you be more aligned with your personal self and therefore assist in making you feel more confident.

What things would you consider your signature things? Not just things you like, but actual things you use in your everyday life and that bring you joy and fulfilment.

4. Knowing your mind

Being authentically you and knowing who you are includes knowing your mind and understanding how your brain operates. What makes you feel best and how do you calm down and find peace?

If you are constantly relying on external peace (materialistic things, achieving goals) you will never find real happiness. A lack of self respect, is a lack of internal peace. True happiness comes from inner peace. You won’t find inner peace from anything you can buy, achieve, or get, it comes from within.

Inner peace is the state of neutrality that contrasts between euphoria and depression. A psychological state of calmness, balance, harmony, and stability. To find inner peace you need to let go. Let go of the outcome, let go of your need to control, stop chasing and just be. That however, doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. Set boundaries, say no, and remove yourself from harmful situations.

There are many ways to find inner peace, you can read about a few of them here. But, finding inner peace doesn’t mean all of your negative emotions instantly vanish. So, learn how to handle them when they come up.

For me, a few things that help calm me down and bring me peace are:

1. Walking while listening to a podcast

2. Cleaning & having a clean space

3. Journaling and getting my thoughts out of my head

4. Reading and escaping to a fictional world for a little bit

5. Self care and taking the time to look after my appearance

What are the things that make you feel your best? A couple of mine include:

1. Wearing a matching lingerie set

2. Feeling clean and put together - I love dressing up

3. Getting 8 hours of sleep per night

4. Having long, healthy, styled hair

5. When my nails are done, keeping on top of my beauty maintenance routine

5. Finding fulfilment without a screen

Our phones take away any ounce of boredom we could possibly have these days therefore no one feels the need for a hobby anymore. Our attention spans are shrinking and without realising it, we’re all developing dopamine addictions.

If you could not touch your phone, laptop, ipad, or tv for a whole day, would you be able to fill the day with things you enjoy? What would they be? What would that day look like?

If you happen to have a free day coming up, I encourage you to plan out that day without a device and actually try it - test yourself, see how bored you get and message me and tell me how you went - i’d love to know!

Being able to be unapologetically yourself is a gift and a blessing that not many people have these days. We’re all terrified to be the ‘outcast’ and that makes us scared to be our authentic selves but I think there is such a beauty in uniqueness. Learn who you are, and live like it everyday.

After all, we have one life in this body - on your death bed you won’t be saying “I wish I tried more to fit in”.

---

Inner Peace: Definition, Examples, & How To Find It | By Nathalie Boutros, Ph.D. https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/inner-peace.html

How to Find Inner Peace in the Chaos (12 Deep Paths) | by Aletheia Luna https://lonerwolf.com/inner-peace/