The Myth of Strength: What Doesn't Kill You Doesn't Make You Stronger
- Innasya Mackenzie
- 9 minutes ago
- 6 min read
The phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is often used as a line of comfort — but the only way that sentence can be true, is if you actively choose to heal.
Trauma’s Effect on the Brain
Trauma reshapes the brain, disrupting mental processes and causing cognitive decline in adulthood. Studies have shown trauma’s effect on the brain can reduce your lifespan by up to two decades. Through oxidative stress and inflammation, people who experience PTSD may find an acceleration in cellular aging, resulting in changes to DNA processes, in turn increasing the risk of a shorter lifespan.
While cases vary immensely on the person's resilience, those who have experienced childhood trauma are more likely to smoke, drink, use substances, and be overweight, and are twice as likely to die by 65 than those without adverse childhood experiences. Along with that, the danger signals that the body emits when you have experienced trauma can disrupt your immune system's homeostasis, resulting in increased risk of autoimmune disease.
So, if that’s the case how can “what doesn’t kill you make you stronger”?
Healing the Brain
As an optimist, I refuse to accept that my traumas can have this much of a life-long effect on me. So I spend my time researching to understand why my brain works the way that it does and how I can integrate healing into my everyday life, because, at the end of the day I just want to be “normal”. I don’t want to have to devote my life to fixing a brain someone else broke.
Through my research, I have learnt that the earlier you experience trauma, the bigger the impact it has on you and the more those beliefs become embedded in your mind. Because of that, unlearning those early imprints is important to do as soon as possible. Our brains are complex organs, and one thing the brain doesn’t like to do is go back in and unlearn lessons we’ve learnt. The older you get, the danger of going back and opening old wounds increases, reinforcing the importance of early intervention.
Going on seven years in therapy, I believe professional help is a fabulous tool for anyone, no matter what you’ve been through. As I’m not a therapist, I can’t sit here and tell you exactly what you should and shouldn’t do to move through PTSD but I can share with you some things I integrate into my daily routine that have helped me live a more positive life.
On Optimism:
A glass-half-full mindset will always be one I live in. We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever. Did you know, optimists have an 11-15% longer lifespan than pessimists? Life is challenging enough without the added weight of childhood trauma. But, by thinking negatively, you strengthen the negative neural pathways in your brain for fear and stress.
When I catch my inner dialogue becoming critical, I challenge my brain to flip the switch immediately. “My nails are taking so long, I’m bored and just want to leave” how about “how lucky am I to get to get my nails done, to sit here for an hour and pamper myself.” Simple acts of gratitude and realising how lucky you are to live the life you live is strengthening those positive neural pathways in your brain rather than reinforcing the negative ones.
Your life is someone else's desired reality, your body is another’s dream physique, your wisdom is a gift someone else longs for.
Doctors have discovered that pessimism affects more than just your emotional health, but your physical health too. High levels of negative thinking reduces capacity in the prefrontal cortex, and can lead to degenerative brain diseases, cardiovascular problems, digestive issues, and a weakened immune system.
For years I survived on anger, pain, sadness, and fear. But that’s the thing, I was simply surviving, living a life in greyscale until I started to look for the good in the world and finally saw in colour.
One of the most important lessons I have learnt in recovery is to “find the value”. To turn a negative thought into a positive one. I believe that everything happens for a reason, every challenge is a lesson, and the pain, while it doesn’t make us stronger, the way we think about it can. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I channel my heart ache into action because it wasn’t my fault, what happened to me, but it is my responsibility to choose to heal.
I realised I was keeping my old wounds fresh for a trial that would never come — that was stealing my life more than my trauma ever did.
I’ve been told by therapists over the years that the true way to get through and move on from a situation is to let your emotions come, feel them fully, and then let them go. I believe the strongest people are the ones who have the courage to face their feelings head on without hiding from them. Think of your reactions as a wave: the wave starts small, it builds, rises, and then, it falls.
90 seconds. Your psychological responses last 90 seconds. Anything longer is self-inflicted.
Booked & Busy
It’s easy to say “don’t ruminate on your emotions”, but how do we actually accomplish that?
Pain can feel so all consuming, so once you’ve let the wave past, we need to keep ourselves occupied. Hot girls have hobbies. What have you always wanted to do but never gotten around to? Painting, horse riding, writing? A creative outlet — I find — is the best distraction from the turmoil in our own heads. Creating something from scratch and seeing it come to life will not only keep you busy and focused on something else, but give you a dopamine hit to see what was once an idea, come to life. Humans are designed to create that’s why you get depressed when all you do is consume.
Our habits are the silent architecture of our lives. It’s common to view rest as ‘laziness’ but we must take time for ourselves in order to become the muse. Curate your hobbies with intention:
Learning a new language, French & Russian are my current fixation.
Educating yourself on high-society etiquette.
Listening to podcasts to improve conversational skills, gain insights on our world, or consume advice on confidence, self-love, and positivity.
Research a new topic — the history of witchcraft, understanding the human brain, the invention of the telephone.
Design a wellness routine specifically tailored to your goals.
Create a TBR (to be read) list, make your own bookmark, pick up a book, annotate, and record your thoughts and opinions on it (I love the Fable app for this!)
Thoughts to Paper
Two years ago I was gifted a diary for Christmas. That book was one of the best presents I have ever received. As someone who feels uncomfortable and a little like a burden when I'm opening up to someone else, my diary has given me the peace of talking about my problems without loading them onto another.
Writing, pen to paper is a tool to help us process our emotions. It can also serve as a record to refer back to and notice patterns and habits. By writing by hand, you enter a state of presence as your mind thinks faster than your hand writes. It forces you to slow down, which can be the exact thing we need when our minds are spiralling.
If writing however isn’t your thing, download the app Confide. There you can create a digital diary, adding a video a day to talk about your emotions and feelings. The app can also lock so only you can have access to it.
It’s a daunting task to think you need to dedicate your life to healing a brain you aren’t responsible for fracturing. But, you can’t buy peace, you have to create it.
Be gentle with yourself, you’ve survived everything you thought you couldn’t - Abby Goldstein
To learn without hardening is a skill you must master.
Love,
Innasya x
References
NIH | The Effects of Lifetime Trauma Exposure on Cognitive Functioning in Midlife https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7572703/
Medical News Today | Does complex PTSD affect life expectancy? https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/complex-ptsd-life-expectancy#summary
Psychology Today | PTSD Stress and a Shorter Expected Lifespan
Marque Urgent Care | The Effects of Negativity https://marquemedical.com/effects-of-negativity/
Connor Downlin | Your Emotions Only Need To Last 90 Seconds https://medium.com/@connor.dowlin/your-emotions-only-need-to-last-90-seconds-43be503daddb
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