Too Chic to Care: Let them talk, you have better things to do
- Innasya Mackenzie
- Nov 14, 2025
- 6 min read
Stalkers aren't always men who got rejected. Sometimes they're deeply insecure women who see your confidence as the threat they could never embody. The truth of the matter is, no one who has ever tried to make me feel small possesses a life I admire.
Peoples opinions of you are not facts. How can someone who doesn't know you - who's never met you or had a real conversation with you - possibly give a true interpretation of you? They can't. People's view on you, aren't about YOU. If someone doesn't know you personally, their perception of you is just a reflection of themselves - their own mood, insecurities, and projections. They see you through the lens of their own self-doubt.
Why are you letting a stranger be the author of your self worth?
According to psychology, there are a few reasons why people feel the need to speak out of envy. Someone who is threatened by your aura may feel the need to speak down on you and manipulate peoples' perception of you as a way to seek power and control - an illusion of superiority built on insecurity. Growing up is realising your mum was right when she told you "they're just jealous of you".
There's an epidemic of insecure people in this world who spend their days trying to dim your light to feel a flicker of their own. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and projection is almost always the reason why anyone ever feels the need to put another person down. Someone who is truly content within themselves has no need to belittle others to feel worthy as their joy doesn’t depend on comparison.
Unfortunately, gossip - or, more specifically, negative gossip and slander - can become addictive. The behaviour itself is reinforced by positive feedback: attention, validation, or even misplaced empathy. The brain treats social stimuli like rewards, interpreting attention as something to be sought and cherished which in turn makes negative gossip all the more intoxicating.
So don't be upset when you hear people are talking about you. They have to, because when they talk about themselves, no one listens.
How to be 'Too Chic to Care'
Let them talk my love, you have better things to do
The secret to being “too chic to care” is knowing your worth so completely that no opinion can touch it.
But first, you need to accept a simple truth; not everyone is going to like you and that is okay.
Do you like everyone you meet? No. It's human nature to crave acceptance, admiration, and approval, but trying to please everyone will only end up dulling your sparkle - something I relate to deeply.
You may have noticed the content that I share now - the glimpses into my life, the personal stories - are so different to the content I was putting out a year ago. I unfortunately got so caught up in other people’s opinions and tried so hard to be liked that I lost myself along the way.
I talk so much about finding your true self and being your authentic self because I know what it feels like to be the shell of the person you once were. For so long, I tried to be everyones cup of tea and nothing really changed. People still criticise everything I do, obsessively stalk, and post hateful lies but their hate has only made me a stronger, smarter, kinder individual and for that I am grateful.
I don't share as much as I used to anymore, and I think that's how it will stay. You don’t know half my friends. I do things that never make it online. You’ll never know if I get another job. You only see what I choose to show. Some parts of my life are mine - and that, I deserve.
You're not hurt because people have opinions about you, you're hurt because you want their approval. You are not other peoples perception of you.
We hear so often "stop caring what other people think of you", but no one ever explains how. How do you actually stop caring? It begins with letting go of external validation and finding that sense of worth within yourself. Letting other peoples perception of you dictate your behaviours, hands them control over your identity - and you'll never grow by doing that.
There is an undeniable peace that comes with being unapologetically yourself.
General rule of thumb, if you wouldn't trade places with them, don't take their advice. Of course there are people in your life who's opinions do matter - your mum, best friends, and family. Write a list, of the specific people that you admire, respect and genuinely want to make proud and let only ever their words hold weight. If they're not on the list, their judgement has no meaning.
Words hold no power until you give them power.
The key to not caring what people think is to be so confident in yourself that your haters start to wonder if you even heard them.
Competence breeds confidence.
Do you know who you are? How can you feel confident in yourself if you're not competent in your own identity? I explored this in a blog post on discovering your core-self, Chic Autonomy - a guide to discovering the self you were always meant to embody. But beyond discovery, you can actively build your character. There’s always room to grow, always something new to learn, a new skill to master. If you’re not completely happy with who you are, work on yourself. Teach yourself emotional intelligence, practice responding with maturity, or pick up a hobby that elevates your sense of self-worth. You’re never stuck. Growth is always possible, and evolution is endless - you have the power to become the best version of yourself, one deliberate step at a time.
Become the Muse
The person you admire, the version of yourself you look up to. Step into her life, her confidence, her poise.
Begin with honesty, a brutal self inventory. Write down every bad habit, belief, toxic trait, and insecurity and work on them. Set boundaries, strengthen self-respect, say no, and put yourself first. Be disciplined. Take care of your appearance. Nourish your mind. Cultivate yourself into the person you aspire to be, so you can stand confidently in your own life and enjoy being in the process of becoming.
Master self-concept clarity
Truly know who you are, understand your values and beliefs, and consistently live by them. The goal is not to think less of yourself but to think of yourself less - to act from a place of calm, assured presence rather than constant self-judgment.
If you don’t spend enough time getting to know yourself you’ll end up absorbing everyone else's definition of you.
You stop taking everything so personally when you realise most people are just unhealed children in adult bodies. Dr Gabor Mate shared a piece of information that completely changed my perception. When trauma gets triggered you don't act your age, you act the age the wound was created.
When you hear people are talking bad about you, your first thought may be "why", "what did I do to them", "why would they say this about me". Be so grateful for that why. It is a blessing that you cannot understand why other people do the things that they do. Appreciate the self-assurance that frees you from the need to put others down to feel better about yourself.
Recognise what is in your control and what is not. You cannot control anyone else's actions, thoughts, or opinions. What you can control is your reaction. So, be in control of your emotions, and carry yourself with grace, and maturity. What they hate in you is what’s lacking within themselves. I always think: if this is how someone talks about me, I can’t even imagine the things they say to themselves.
Have compassion for those who feel the need to find validation through negativity. When I say have compassion, I don't mean pity or superiority - I mean understanding. Recognise that their words and actions come from pain, not power. Understand, and forgive.
Holding hate in your heart only ends up hurting you more than it does them. It takes far more effort to hold onto anger than it does to let it go. Distance yourself from negativity and choose wisely who you let in your inner circle. You can stand firm in your boundaries without letting people walk all over you.
The moment you stop reacting, you reclaim your power - and from there, it's easier to meet people with understanding instead of resentment.
Empathise, and recognise their experience without judgement. If you notice yourself forming harsh thoughts, pause and redirect them. Instead of judging, reframe. If you catch yourself thinking, “She’s such a bitch,” shift it to, “How lucky am I to see this situation with compassion and understanding?” That small change rewires your mindset and keeps your peace intact.
There's a quote I love "People have thrown dirt on my name, others have given flowers. It's all a garden to me". Living by this perspective shifted my outlook completely, allowing me to find peace and joy regardless of others’ opinions.
The biggest act of self love is to live for yourself and not for others.
And if you secretly dislike me, be a real bitch and unfollow me on everything. Delete your fake accounts and leave me alone. If you truly hate someone, you walk away; obsession isn’t hatred, it’s fixation.
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