Our Circle is Our Mirror: How and why our environment determines our elevation.

The phrase “we’re on the same wavelength” is more than just an expression, science shows that there is real truth behind it.

When we socialise, converse, and have shared experiences - our brain waves synchronise. The neurones in the brains of two people connecting can fire in corresponding spots, causing them to have matching brain patterns. Because of this, you are likely to pick up on another persons habits, and characteristics, if you spend a lot of time with them.

How do you choose who to spend your time with?

Our circle is our mirror. The people you choose to surround yourself with will influence your mindset, goals, habits, and the way you behave. So, how do you choose who to include in your circle?

1. How does their presence affect your emotions?

After spending time with said person, how do you feel? Do you feel emotionally drained? Are you full of life and leaving the catch up inspired, and happy? The wrong people can quite literally drain the life out of you and therefore they are not the people you want sitting at your table.

2. Are you being yourself around them?

I’m sure none of us are strangers to dulling ourselves down to ‘fit in’. I often think of what the Mad Hatter said to Alice in Alice in Wonderland “You used to be much more … muchier. You’ve lost your muchness”. Each one of us has a different soul, and I believe that is one of the most beautiful parts of life. Surround yourself with people who appreciate your muchness.

3. Can you share good news with them? Will they lift you up or bring you down?

I’ve experienced friendships where everything was a competition, you couldn’t be more successful than them and if you were they would just tear you down for it. Their negativity is coming from a place of jealousy and insecurity and until they heal their own inner wounds, they’re not people you want to surround yourself with. My girlfriends are always cheering me on, I feel so loved and supported by them and I believe that’s what real friendship should be.

4. What are their goals, dreams, and aspirations, and do they align with yours?

We’ll soon discuss this further but the people you surround yourself with will influence the way you behave. In saying that, your friends don’t all need to have the same career path as you. Pay attention to their work ethic, their habits, their discipline - does it align with yours?

The Proximity Effect

As humans, we are social creatures and are highly influenced by the people we surround ourselves with.

Who you choose to spend time with will influence the way you behave. If you surround yourself with billionaires, business owners, and successful entrepreneurs - you are more likely to become like them.

If you surround yourself with people with few ambitions, who drink, smoke, and gamble - you are more likely to integrate their bad habits into your daily life.

An example from my own life; When I lived in Sydney, I spent most of my time with my ex-boyfriend and his friends. They smoked, so I ended up picking up the habit. When I moved to Melbourne in January of 2022, I stopped smoking, stayed in most weekends, and developed new, better habits. I changed my environment and therefore my lifestyle changed.

Research shows that spending time around people with bad habits, will ultimately influence you to pick up those bad habits. And, if thats the case, then the opposite must be true as well. Surrounding yourself with people with good habits, will cause you to then also pick them up.

Our brains mirror personality traits, which is why you and your best-friend who spend a lot of time together, act similarly.

Ask yourself, how do you want to act? If the answer is elegant, classy, and sophisticated - surround yourself with people who are elegant, classy, and sophisticated. If the answer is outgoing, confident, and adventurous - surround yourself with those people. Over time your brain will mirror them.

Quality over Quantity

I have a very small circle of friends, and that’s exactly how I like it. I don’t like having ‘friends’, I want best-friends. I want to know I can call you, and you’ll be there for me. As a business owner and entrepreneur, I don’t have the time to maintain high maintenance friendships. I’ll text my friends throughout the week, we’ll send voice notes to keep up to date on each others lives, and then call or FaceTime every week or two and that’s what works best for us. We’re all busy and realistically, we can’t talk everyday and we don’t need to.

Quality friendships have been proven to improve mental health and create an overall higher life satisfaction. Having people in your corner who lift you up, and bring you joy is so super important.

One thing to be aware of though is co-rumination. What is co-rumination? Let’s say you’re depressed, and you meet another person who is also struggling with depression. You two get along really well because you can relate to and validate each other, however, spending too much time together where the main topic of discussion is your problems, will only cause you both to end up feeling worse.

With an excessive amount of focus and attention on the negatives, like I mentioned earlier - your brain waves are synchronising and not allowing you to get better. This is not a relationship you need to necessarily cut off, just rewire and choose to focus on more positive things.

Your brain is a mirror of what you feed it and I could make a whole other article diving deep into that (which I will), the same goes for the people you surround yourself with. Your brain will mirror them.

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References

Brain Waves Synchronize when People Interact | By Lydia Denworth

Social Proximity Effect: Your Friends’ Habits Will Become Your Habits | by Tyler Tervooren

The Power of Peers